Birthdays – Once a surprise, now routine and banal

11.30 PM is a busy time as family and friends try to take the honor of being the first person to wish you on the eve of your Birthday. Sometimes there are calls put on hold-arguments-disagreements- fights for attaining this distinguished reputation. Unfortunately very often, the first thing that the Bright new Birthday Boy does on his going-to-be-extremely-exciting birthday is lie. ‘Of course, you are the first one to wish me!’ he says, does he have a choice?! And so it begins..

A modern 21th Century birthday certainly is a crime without three feats of glory: Midnight, Make-up and Madness. 1. Midnight: A big cake to be cut at 12, most often garnished with an irrelevant comment; not to mention Happy Birthday Logos dirtying the wall, and balloons on the roof waiting to be broken the next day by music enthusiasts. 2. Make-up: People are still starving in select parts of the world and we know how best to decorate the face (most times body) with cake and cream. 3. Madness: Back home in South India, very close to my hometown Madurai, there is an annual barbaric event called ‘Jallikattu’ where humans show animals what they are really capable of. ‘Birthday Bumps’ reminds me every bit of this moronic act, where insane people start beating the heck out of a poor creature who is supposed to be enjoying ‘his/its’ day. As my friend often remarks when complaints are made: ‘Bumps should hurt so bad that the birthday boy should seriously question why he was ever born in the first place?’ – What noble thought I say! All that the mantra of modern celebrations can bestow is misery, malignity and monotony.

In the olden days, birthday presents were homemade and the celebrations (if any) were brief. How many times have we been told off by older people about their torn slippers, once-in-a-year new dress, a bag for an eternity, walk=transportation, etc and so on. Goodies were rare. Birthdays were just another day. Because it was rare, it was precious. Because it was simple, it was subtle. In spite of being routine, it was enjoyable. I am sure our parents must have dreamt for birthday bashes like today. But as we know from bell bottoms to hippie hairstyles, trends are bound to come around over time. I certainly do wish to go to that place where Birthdays celebrations are not to GET but to GIVE what best you can to people who don’t have.

Dhil Hai Desi..

The United States – The average Indian’s educational Mecca, has over 100,000 desi students, who are constantly working on making The US, another India (In what ways? That analysis is left to your perception). Sometimes when you take a stroll in the streets of New Jersey, you wonder what you are doing in an India outside India. Irrespective of the status, abilities and beliefs of each of these students and how they change after they get here, every Indian when coming here will be what you would call a typical DESI.

I guess if you tell students what all they should be going through in the name of ‘preparation’ after 6 hard months of a never ending baron’s word list, we might probably see less brain drain from India to the US. The tension mounts as days come closer to your departure and you can find no better pinnacle than the hype surrounding US visa interview, which more often ends up as a silly joke (Unless you show off unnecessarily and get remanded in 221g or 214b). Elaborate preparations from then on would include, billing your parents’ costly clothing including Raymond suites, formal shirts and pants (which you end up using once a year developing folded impressions), a whole kitchen set (which more often is safe on the shelves waiting for a diwali or Christmas), oh - how did I forget? - masalas (With which you could start a new grocery store here) and ready-made food stuff (I really wish I was in that industry. Nothing short of day-time robbery). For at least, an average middle class Indian family, the parents go out of one’s depth, burning a big hole in their pockets before their kid finally becomes a graduate. In the preparation to go abroad, the airport will have family stretching to your farthest kin alive, friends from school to college, most holding parting gifts and cards putting you through an emotional hugger-mugger. Most would shed a tear or two, with the exception of the so called ‘cool-dudes’.

They say a good beginning is half done and we set an example right at the start trying to squeeze in an extra kilo or two by begging/bribing the check-in officer at the airport. It’s amusing how some optimize their movie watching schedule during the flight journey getting every penny worth with the in-plane entertainment. I remember our Graduate Student Coordinator praise the Indian Student Association (ISA) to the skies for doing a terrific job with pick-up and temporary accommodation for new kids. Volunteers who come to pick-up the newcomers get the privilege of having done something special to a clueless junior (clueless? - debatable). A couple of days and there is a torrid time when emotions looming large overshadow excitement in one’s mind. I guess this is what we call depression. (Do not mention this to an American, you will get a pill)

The first thing which hits you after getting here is, how much the media, journalists and photographers can fool you with their dexterity in maximizing the visual appeal of this place. Getting used to artificial ‘how are you doing?’, ‘what’s up?’ even from an unknown bystander to most Desi people (who feign an American accent in which they miserably fail) is an important part of the learning curve. Americans are different people (not just because they have money) and so they decided to jumble a few things. If coming to terms with measurements in deg F, Gallons, Pounds, and Miles is tough, then getting used to driving on the right, pulling the doors towards you to open them, pushing switches up to turn things on etc is tougher. People here slog like there is no tomorrow during the weekdays and party like animals during the weekends. A desi at heart has a built-in dollar-rupee conversion calculator, which takes time to malfunction. America – A place which everyone wants to go, but once you are here, ‘Yes! I’m just going to study for a couple of years and go back to India’ – How many times have we heard this?